Statistically, women give more blowjobs than they get oral sex themselves – this phenomenon is called the Oral Sex Gap and it’s a pretty unfair thing. What’s the reason? Is it that the vagina is unpopular – and if so, why? We get to the bottom of it. In addition, you will learn here how you can talk about the desire for oral sex in a partnership and enjoy it much more. Your vagina will thank you!

Facts about the Oral Sex Gap

As the SO LIEBEN WIR Amorelie Report on the sex and love lives of Germans 2017 revealed, men and women dream of oral sex. It is the number one fantasy. With 64% (men) and 41% (women), it is clearly the number one sexual desire for both sexes. BUT:

In a recent Canadian study of nearly 900 heterosexual respondents (college students), 63% of men said they had been orally satisfied during their last sex. For women, it was only 44%. But that’s not all: in addition to the unbalanced results, it shows that only 28% of women enjoyed the blowjob very much. 55% of them found it somewhat pleasurable and 17% did not enjoy active oral sex. In turn, 52% of men stated that it was very pleasant to satisfy the woman orally. Another 41% found it somewhat pleasurable and only 7% disliked it.

This means that women generally perform oral sex on men more often, but the majority do not enjoy it very much, while men lick women less often, but over half of them enjoy it very much. These results – illogical as they may seem – show that women cannot blame men alone for the oral sex gap. Did the men fib in their answers or is this imbalance also due to the women themselves?

Reasons for the Oral Sex Gap

Yes, cunnilingus can be exhausting. Neck stiffness, shortness of breath and jaw problems included. However, it’s no different with a blowjob. Still, statistically, more women are willing to give blowjobs. Is there any truth to the general perception that men are more squeamish than women? Or are men just lazy when it comes to oral sex?

Neither. In a non-representative study of 71 teenage participants, two London-based researchers explored what might be behind the oral sex gap. The consensus of the survey was that if you want to get something, you have to be able to give it. The men agreed on that. But the practice looks different. The three most commonly cited reasons for the Oral Sex Gap were as follows:

• Oral sex with a woman is a big challenge that costs overcoming
• Licking is uncool – “She gave me a blowjob” sounds much better in front of buddies
• Women are uncomfortable with cunnilingus because they are embarrassed about their vaginas

Oha. and how do we solve these problems now…?

Communication in the partnership

So, a first quintessence is, a large percentage of men do not dislike licking their partner, they are just unsure and therefore do it less often. This is absolutely understandable and we should accept that – and above all offer some assistance. The most important thing here is open and honest communication before a feeling of frustration sets in. The worst thing is to secretly wish for something – or even worse: to expect something – but not communicate it. Nobody can read minds. And just because you gave him a blowjob doesn’t mean he’s obligated to reciprocate in return. Sure, it would be nice. Fair too. But not a matter of course.

Inquiries

Dare to ask openly why he does not lick you or only rarely. Take the concerns seriously and offer solutions. A change of position can help against a stiff neck. Just put a big pillow under your butt when he dives between your thighs – that way he can get to the holy of holies better. Or have her lean against the wall while he kneels in front of her and – one leg on his shoulder – is at perfect height. Explains to him that he doesn’t have to go all the way at first, but cunnilingus can be just foreplay for now.

Is he afraid of doing something wrong or even hurting you? Take him actively by the hand and show him how you would like to be touched. You can also spoil him orally or with your hand at the same time in the 69 sex position and thus set the pace and intensity. This way he only has to follow suit.

Here you will find step-by-step instructions for oral sex as well as advanced oral sex techniques for oral sex with her.

Ask for it

Some men don’t want or need any assistance with this, just some animation. Whisper lovingly in your partner’s ear during foreplay: “I would like to be spoiled by you now” or “Kiss me everywhere”. You can also tickle his ego with compliments: “It feels so good when you lick me” – he will understand the allusion.

Demand

Of course, women can also take more drastic measures to actively combat the Oral Sex Gap. However, this is a question of type. If you are absolutely at peace with your sexuality and your body, you can dare to simply lie wide-legged in front of him and present your vulva to him on a silver platter. Such a demanding posture can either make him totally horny and let his insecurities go overboard or scare him and cause exactly the opposite. You should be able to assess your partner and the situation well. Last resort: Refusal. Do you regularly blow him and he never “thanks” you for it? Well, maybe he will have to do without his fun in the future…

Oral sex gap out of shame

Let’s leave aside point two from the London study, because it can be assumed that bragging is merely a phenomenon of late pubescents. After a certain age, bragging to your buddies certainly can’t be counted as a reason for the Oral Sex Gap. Point three is all the more worrying. Women are often ashamed of their vulvas and therefore abstain from oral sex.

They are unsure whether they are beautiful (enough) down below, smell good and taste good. Whether the pubic hair is too thick, they should rather shave smooth, but risk small shaving pimples. And how is it with the size anyway? Am I actually tight enough, do my labia sit where they belong and what are all those skin folds for anyway?

Unfortunately, media reports about unnecessary cosmetic surgery on the vulva (for example, labiaplasty) reinforce the image that female genitals should conform to a certain ideal and only fuel vulva shaming and the doubts it sows.

Am I ugly?

Every vagina – just like every penis – is unique and completely ok, just the way it is. Of course, you can also actively do something to feel better in your skin – and during oral sex. It sounds trite, but it’s effective: Grab a hand mirror and take a good look at yourself. Discover what makes up your vagina. It is an absolutely fascinating organ.

The clitoris with its 8,000 nerve endings gives you breathtaking feelings of pleasure, the urethra is vital and through the vaginal canal you can even give birth to a child. The mons veneris is a particularly beautiful part of the vulva and the female silhouette. The pubic hair can be quite erotic, many men like to run their fingers through it. Shaved smooth, the mound is particularly well accentuated. Or how about a completely new pubic hair style? Here you will find care products for a gentle intimate shave.

Find out here how you can make peace with your supposed physical flaws with Body Positivity.

Do I smell good?

Often, not only the appearance, but also the smell of the vagina is a reason for women to feel ashamed. This does not have to be the case. Just the very own smell is very exciting for many people. Also during oral sex! So you don’t need to smell like a flower meadow when you’re being licked. Smelling (and tasting) a woman is a big part of the appeal of giving her oral pleasure.

Of course, intimate hygiene is important. It’s best to use clear water and special intimate lotions for this. Hands off too strongly perfumed deodorants or sharp, unsuitable soaps. They only contribute to the fact that the intimate flora is brought from the balance and can settle bacteria, which are particularly odor-promoting. Does it help you to relax better during oral sex if you know that you taste delicious? Then try it first with some flavored lube. However, your own taste is also interesting for him – try it. Not so bad, right?!

Am I tight enough?

We all agree that giving birth is a) the most natural thing in the world and b) something wonderful. But sometimes after giving birth, women are insecure about their changing bodies and vaginas. These fears of a dilated vagina, however, are usually unfounded. The vagina narrows again by itself after childbirth. However, regular pelvic floor training promotes regression. Love balls can also support the process. More info here.